jokes *put good jokes here*

[salron]

ok heres mine

Ok there is a fly flying above the water, and a fish is talking to another fish under the water. The fish says "hey, if that fly drops down 2 inchs then I can have a meal" But what the fly fish doesnt know is there is a bear by the stream he says "If that fly drops 2 inchs, that fish will jump up and eat it and I will have a nice dinner." But what the bear doesnt know is there is a hunter aiming at him, he says "If that fly drops two inchs then the fish will jump up eat it and the bear will get it and then I will shot the bear." But what the hunter doesnt know is theres a mouse eyeing the cheese sandwich in the hunters pocket, he says if that fly drops 2 inchs then the fish will eat it, the bear will grab the fish, the hunter will shot the bear and the sandwich will fall out of his pocket, but what the mouse dosent know is there is a cat watching him and he says "the that fly drops two inchs, then the fish will eat it, the bear will eat the fish the hunter will kill the bear, and the mouse will eat the sandwich." So the fly drops down 2 inchs, the fish eats it the bear eats the fish the hunter shoots the bear, the mouse starts for the sandwich and the cat jumps for the mouse and misses and falls into the water..

whats the moral of the story?

fly drops two inchs, pussy gets wet.

love
it

[Kanine]

These are so bad,bad, BAD; you keep reading to see if they get any better....




1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
" Well, It's Not Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

BUT WAIT -- THERE'S MORE!! Subject: Here are the 10 first place winners in the International Pun Contest.

1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!".

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron," The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan."
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her
husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds,
"They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair.. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him.
So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.
Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him .

(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)..... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. (bet you start humming it)

10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

[LordBasillicus]

So, how bad are these jokes allowed to be, because I have some hella funny dirty/raunchy/racist ones.

[Elenmosyne]

I'll allow them as long as you don't really mean offense with them...


Oh, dirty joke... Wax on, wax off, wax on, wax off, wax on (Points to LB) wacks off.

[LordBasillicus]

What?!?! I thought you did that for me!! How come my people do all the work?!?! There was a slave in my family tree!! He's still hanging there!!